awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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