dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
