there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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