Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
