Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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