Plan B is the new Plan A
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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