Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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