sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
