I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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