So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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