dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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