I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
