I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The ass gains better be worth it
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