You're so nebulous sometimes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
