Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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