totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
