lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
