u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Come share oat with me in your robe
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
