don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Boobs speak an international language.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
