Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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