should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
