Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
