I'm really into asian looking animals
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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