and you said cock pushups were impossible
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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