Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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