I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
