Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
