Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
