Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize