The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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