Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
