You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
