Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
