I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
