You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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