I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
