I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
