...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
