genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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