Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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