peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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