My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
