What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You're like the curious george of whores
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
