I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
