I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
