I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
