Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
