Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
