i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
