Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We had sex on a dog bed..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
