you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
