My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
