Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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