Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
