You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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