but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
