You don't have asthma, your pregnant
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
