Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
