i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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