You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think i got beer on your cat.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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