I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
