Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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