dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
