I heard we made out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize