so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
